Two years of marriage counseling conversations where I’d asked if there were problems we needed to address. Two years of anniversary dinners and Christmas mornings and family gatherings where I’d been completely unaware that my husband was building an exit strategy that would leave me financially devastated.
“Robert, what hurts the most isn’t even the money. It’s that you let me love you and plan our future together while you were systematically betraying everything we’d built.”
“I know. And, Catherine, I need you to know that Emily’s testimony wasn’t vindictive. She was protecting you in ways that I should have been protecting you.”
“Emily shouldn’t have had to protect me from my own husband.”
“No, she shouldn’t have. But I’m grateful that she did. Because what I was planning to do to you was inexcusable.”
“Why are you telling me this now?”
“Because tomorrow this will all be legally finished, and I wanted you to hear from me that you didn’t deserve what I did to you. You were a good wife, a good mother, a good person who trusted me to be honest about our life together.”
“And you weren’t honest.”
“No, I wasn’t. Catherine, I don’t expect forgiveness. But I wanted you to know that losing you and Emily’s respect has been the most painful consequence of the choices I made.”
After we hung up, I sat in my kitchen—my kitchen in my house, which would remain my home for as long as I wanted to live there—and thought about forgiveness, consequences, and the difference between apologies and accountability. Robert’s words sounded genuine, but they came after he’d been caught, prosecuted, and forced to face financial and legal consequences for his actions. I couldn’t know whether his remorse was authentic or strategic, whether he regretted hurting me or regretted getting caught.
“Grandma Kathy, was that Grandpa on the phone?”
Emily appeared in the kitchen doorway, her school backpack slung over one shoulder and her expression curious but wary.
“Yes, sweetheart. Grandpa called to apologize for the things he did.”
“Do you forgive him?”
“I’m not sure yet. What do you think?”
“I think saying sorry is good, but it doesn’t fix the things that got broken.”
Eight-year-old wisdom about the difference between apologies and repair, between regret and restitution.
“Emily, are you glad you told the judge about the things you heard Grandpa saying?”
“Yes, because you needed help and grown-ups weren’t paying attention, so I had to pay attention instead.”
“Do you think you’ll forgive Grandpa eventually?”
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