Peace be with you. There are topics many avoid out of fear, superstition, or grief. But when it comes to saying goodbye to a loved one, knowing what to do—and what not to do—can prevent mistakes that later leave guilt, confusion, and anguish.

For years, many priests have witnessed the same scene repeat itself: family members who, with genuine love, place objects inside the coffin, believing they are “helping” the deceased. However, in the Christian tradition, saying goodbye is not about providing the person with “things,” but about helping the soul detach from the material and be accompanied by prayer.

Because the problem isn’t the object itself… but the message that object conveys:

“These things still belong to you. You still need this. Don’t leave completely.”

And that message, even if born of love, can become a burden.

A story that changed everything

A woman arrived at the church weeping, some time after burying her mother. She recounted how her mother appeared to her in dreams, restless, pointing to her neck and chest, as if something weighed her down or choked her. The daughter didn’t understand what it meant… until she remembered what she had done on the day of the funeral.

Out of love, she placed a large gold necklace, one her mother adored, on her coffin. And also, a wad of cash, thinking: “so she won’t lack anything there… in case she has to pay for something.”

The intention was “good.” But the gesture revealed a dangerous belief: that salvation works like the world here, with payments, objects, and guarantees.

That’s the point:

when we say goodbye to someone, we don’t help them “take things with them”… we help them let go.

What NOT to put in the coffin (and why)

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